Precursor: I added another category to Life- “Love&Other Duds” is  dedicated to the cryptic world of dating as twenty something millennials. Before you can start searching for “Mr. Right” you’re going to have to cut off that little piece of side baggage- your boyfriend- to get to the fun part of dating, and I mean that loosely. Which leads me to my newest column in the category, so without further adieu;


Guess what. Dating in this century is cryptic and confusing for everyone. Not only is it hard for single gals like myself to tear away from the douchebags who unapologetically kiss your ass until you give them what they want; It’s really hard for the girls out their who are dating those assholes. If this doesn’t specifically relate to you, your best friend is probably going through it. You know who I’m taking about; the couple who looks so good on Instagram, but lives in hell when it comes down to reality. Yes your boyfriend loves you when it’s the two of you on the couch and alone, we’ve all been there. You get so caught up in the bliss that you actually start to fall for the crap he’s spoon feeding you.

Fact of the matter is, your boyfriend loves you, until you leave the room, and starts scrolling. He loves you until that one girl you’re insecure about comes back into town. He loves you until he’s too drunk to come home, yet his fingers are well enough functioning to send that “you up? lol” text at 2 am to that one girl. You know you don’t have his full attention, because you see his wandering eye. Your friends hate him, but know you’re obsessed with him and they don’t want to lose you over a guy. I know what it’s like to play both sides, to be the one looking through his phone in the middle of the night..and I also know it feels to be that girl getting the 2am text. It’s satisfying and dismantling all in the same, because the poor girl that loves him is sitting at home wondering when he’ll get back from “A night out with he guys.”

Let’s settle one thing though; wether you’re the sad girlfriend or the 2am girl- no one wants your boyfriend. You shouldn’t want your boyfriend. Your boyfriend sucks. You might not know it now, but outside parties do pay attention to detail in how people treat each other. Even if the 2am girl does think the meathead is hot, it’ll wear off and she’ll get tired of his shit. She’s got it easy though, all she has to do is stop replying to his drunk texts. You need to jump out of that relationship faster than I pour my wine into a glass after a long day. Dating is supposed to be fun, and if you’re miserable because of someone else freaking ditch the d-bag and move on. There are literally so many other things to do with your time than to cry over a self loathing idiot. Your boyfriend sucks ..and we all hate him.


The 2AM Girl